I'm done.
For now I'm so done. When I started this whole dream hobby, this is not what I signed up for. So yes, I finally was able to summon her, but what happened afterwards was the most terrifying thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life.
In the dream, I was on the simple field. Sun was setting down and was painting the grass and hay with different shades of yellow and orange. I was focusing with all my might to summon her. I thought about brown bear, centaur, black scarf, blue suit, astronaut helmet... Just all the things that reminded me of her.
Suddenly, she was there. As serious as always.
"What do you know that I don't know?" I know, stupid first question to ask, but how else I should have worded myself. She first just snorted at me irreverently and grossed her arms.
"Don't you dare look at me like that. It was your own fault you didn't listen to me."
"But tell me why. Why do I get stuck on sleep paralysis every time I lucid dream? There must be reason for it, right?"
I straight away broke the fourth wall of the dream world. Actually now when thinking about it, I don't know why I asked things that way. I was supposed to ask her what kind of meaning she meant inside my head, but something told me on that moment that that wouldn't give me answers either. That this was more right way to ask things.
Her look stayed serious but at least the irreverent look on her faded off.
"There is some things you mortals shouldn't know about yet. You're all too curious, and sooner or later it will bring you to your doom."
Yeah, I know you might be wondering same things now. Now she talked in the way like she was alien or ghost or something. All of this made me...stand on my edge and cautious. It made me nervous and I ended up yelling even I knew I shouldn't have.
"Stop talking cryptic bullshit! Just tell me why they keep happening!"
Suddenly, new emotion added up to her all so serious look. It was... sadness. And I could tell it was not because I yelled at her, but because... She seemed like she felt sorry for me, or something similar. As she spoke her speech started to slow down and world around us started to fade to black and white and enviroment melt to darkness.
"They are punishment for your curiosity. Just... don't come back anymore. I told you too much already..."
God... my hands are shaking while writing this. I keep this now short simply 'cause I don't want to think about it. But I did wake up.
Sleep paralysis. This time usual whispers were now... screaming. Yelling and screaming, like a mass murder was happening right there in my pitch black bedroom. Grinding of bloody rusty metal against metal, metal stabbing and ripping the flesh, screaming. And I swear I could smell blood, or metal, or both. And I couldn't breath. I couldn't breath because of this...abomination of black mess, white teeth and wide eyes sitting on my chest and staring down at me, pressing its sharp fingers against my throat. It only said one thing to me.
"You still did it, didn't you?"
That's it. I can still taste fucking puke in my mouth. I need an break. I'm done.