I have made decision. And it goes like this;
I will end my dream hobby and this whole research and investigation soon. I'm not the one to solve this lucid dream-sleep paralysis connection and to find the possible answer for the theory, neither is doctor Övergöd, Wanderer or anyone else. Nobody deserves the pain this mystery can and has caused.
Although I will not terminate this blog, but neither will I leave any kind of contact info on here after I have made my last post/s. I want to leave this all behind for good.
But also, possibly tonight, I will lucid dream for the last time.
Why, you might ask. I need peace with myself. And part of it is to possibly get answer to one question and confirmation to another that keeps nagging me. But to get those answers I need to meet her. Also, I just want to apologize because all the trouble I caused.
I'm not afraid of punishment anymore.
If I don't update after this, you know where I am and what happened to me. Thanks and wish me luck.
Showing posts with label lucid dreaming. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lucid dreaming. Show all posts
Entry #19
Yeah, sorry for the last entry. It didn't really tell much. But guess what? More sleep paralysis. Now in total nearly one and half week of just paralyzed nights. One night I did make a test and let my dream go on normally, without lucid dreaming: no paralysis.
I start to notice a pattern. Everytime I lucid dream, I don't remember the actual dream at all and I wake up to the sleep paralysis.
And if someone was wondering; no, I didn't meet her in my lucid dreams this time. So... she does not cause them, at least that's how it seems like. Then what does?
I have chatted about this problem of mine in the forum too, but nobody can tell what is really going on. Still only tips I get is not to sleep on my back. But when I do go to bed and before falling asleep, I swear, I'm always on my side or stomach. Maybe I always roll on my back when I lucid dream and therefore get sleep paralysis? I really can't recall if I did or not wake on my back when I did lucid dream normally, before all this sleep paralysis mess.
To be honest, this all is tiring me up. But I would like to know what is causing this.
I start to notice a pattern. Everytime I lucid dream, I don't remember the actual dream at all and I wake up to the sleep paralysis.
And if someone was wondering; no, I didn't meet her in my lucid dreams this time. So... she does not cause them, at least that's how it seems like. Then what does?
I have chatted about this problem of mine in the forum too, but nobody can tell what is really going on. Still only tips I get is not to sleep on my back. But when I do go to bed and before falling asleep, I swear, I'm always on my side or stomach. Maybe I always roll on my back when I lucid dream and therefore get sleep paralysis? I really can't recall if I did or not wake on my back when I did lucid dream normally, before all this sleep paralysis mess.
To be honest, this all is tiring me up. But I would like to know what is causing this.
Entry #15
I have been reading some other people's sleep paralysis experiences and even ended up talking about the subject with my pals from forum.
Most of the forum members told that they indeed got their sleep paralysis after lucid dreaming, but also by reading other people's experiences I found out that they sometimes happen on random (or at least these dreamers don't remember lucid dreaming on the time when they got paralysed).
As on with the creepy hallucinations; some even believe that they are indeed a work of demons, mostly because of the paralysis' disturbing nature. Some tell that they see dark figures walking in their bedroom, standing on the edge of their bed and staring at them or even weight on their chest, like someone is sitting on them. Some hear unsettling noises. One girl even told that she heard this announcement voice repeat word "black" that became louder and louder until she woke up.
When looking back to my own paralysis; I didn't see any figures in my room, or I didn't even feel presence of anyone, but my room was really dark, even when I woke up the dawn was shining in. So that maybe counts as some kind of hallucination. As with the whispering voices... I still don't know what the phrase "you shouldn't have done that" is supposed to mean.
Only tip I got from my forum friends to prevent sleep paralysis to happen, is to avoid sleeping on my back.
On to the other subject: Within the "shouldn't done that"-phrase the thing that bothers me most is that bearcentaur-character. She appeared again and her behavior was the same. But this time she had different effect to my sleep. Did she wake me up from my first lucid dream? Did she cause the sleep paralysis? Can a dream character have such an effect on dreaming? Maybe I have to search for dream meanings. Maybe she is something my brain has created to...stop me from doing something? I really don't know.
Also, I should have shared this long time ago, but I did doodle the character down when I saw her first time. My apologizes for the terrible drawing, I'm obviously not an artist.
Most of the forum members told that they indeed got their sleep paralysis after lucid dreaming, but also by reading other people's experiences I found out that they sometimes happen on random (or at least these dreamers don't remember lucid dreaming on the time when they got paralysed).
As on with the creepy hallucinations; some even believe that they are indeed a work of demons, mostly because of the paralysis' disturbing nature. Some tell that they see dark figures walking in their bedroom, standing on the edge of their bed and staring at them or even weight on their chest, like someone is sitting on them. Some hear unsettling noises. One girl even told that she heard this announcement voice repeat word "black" that became louder and louder until she woke up.
When looking back to my own paralysis; I didn't see any figures in my room, or I didn't even feel presence of anyone, but my room was really dark, even when I woke up the dawn was shining in. So that maybe counts as some kind of hallucination. As with the whispering voices... I still don't know what the phrase "you shouldn't have done that" is supposed to mean.
Only tip I got from my forum friends to prevent sleep paralysis to happen, is to avoid sleeping on my back.
On to the other subject: Within the "shouldn't done that"-phrase the thing that bothers me most is that bearcentaur-character. She appeared again and her behavior was the same. But this time she had different effect to my sleep. Did she wake me up from my first lucid dream? Did she cause the sleep paralysis? Can a dream character have such an effect on dreaming? Maybe I have to search for dream meanings. Maybe she is something my brain has created to...stop me from doing something? I really don't know.
Also, I should have shared this long time ago, but I did doodle the character down when I saw her first time. My apologizes for the terrible drawing, I'm obviously not an artist.
Entry #12
Dream #4
I was sitting on my balcony, drinking lavender tea (I remember it from the smell). Oddly, everything was in color, so I guess I kinda knew already that I'm dreaming. I just wanted to have little silent moment before I would do my next move. Then I saw pair of jeans running across the yard of the aparment house. This didn't even surprise me anymore, but it made me to decide to stand up on my chair and drop the tea I had left from my mug. While its fall before touching the ground it turned into purple butterflies.
I closed my eyes, dropped the mug and decided to get myself into the forest. Tall pine trees reached the skies while rays of sunshine shined through the tree pranches and most of the forest was covered in different shades of green moss, small adorable mushrooms and colorful pinwheels that sticked out from the moss. The mossy grounds moved like they were waves of the ocean.
So I gave myself a ship and pirate captain's clothes, that were mostly green and hat had fussy moss as a decoration. I was guiding the boat on the moss sea and even not much happened anymore before I woke up, I still enjoyd this one too. It was more calming dream.
I was sitting on my balcony, drinking lavender tea (I remember it from the smell). Oddly, everything was in color, so I guess I kinda knew already that I'm dreaming. I just wanted to have little silent moment before I would do my next move. Then I saw pair of jeans running across the yard of the aparment house. This didn't even surprise me anymore, but it made me to decide to stand up on my chair and drop the tea I had left from my mug. While its fall before touching the ground it turned into purple butterflies.
I closed my eyes, dropped the mug and decided to get myself into the forest. Tall pine trees reached the skies while rays of sunshine shined through the tree pranches and most of the forest was covered in different shades of green moss, small adorable mushrooms and colorful pinwheels that sticked out from the moss. The mossy grounds moved like they were waves of the ocean.
So I gave myself a ship and pirate captain's clothes, that were mostly green and hat had fussy moss as a decoration. I was guiding the boat on the moss sea and even not much happened anymore before I woke up, I still enjoyd this one too. It was more calming dream.
Entry #11
Dream #3
I was outside already, in the busy city street and it was raining. When I opened my umbrella it made a duck sound. So I made reality test and realized I was dreaming. I looked up and made whales swim in the sky. They swam through the rain clouds, dodging now the blasting thunder strikes while the sky turned more clear. I looked at them for long time before I grew bored and wanted to change the whole sequence.
Suddenly there was white sand everywhere. It was soft under my feet (I just decided to be naked by now for the heck of it) and was just the right temperature, until I noticed that the sun wasn’t even shining. Instead, the sky was filled with colorful galaxies and/or nebulas. It was breath taking scene.
Behind the sand dunes, elegant and gentle canine looking creatures ran to me and I recognized them as Egyptian gods. So while I took them on the leashes, I saw pyramids rise from the sand, trying to reach the sky and I decided to wear clothes of Pharaoh.
While me and the dogs were reaching the pyramids I started to spot the flower pots with small light green baby plants, half buried in the sand. Then I noticed the bright giant yellow moon that had risen on to the sky on over the nebulas. An stubid idea came to my mind and I reached my hand to the moon and managed to rip chunk of it off and I ate it without hesitation. First it tasted odd, but then it tasted like mashmallow dipped on melted warm milk chocolate. Just when I thought to get another piece, I woke up.
This was the first time I had ever tasted something in my dream. Again, completely new and refreshing experience.
I was outside already, in the busy city street and it was raining. When I opened my umbrella it made a duck sound. So I made reality test and realized I was dreaming. I looked up and made whales swim in the sky. They swam through the rain clouds, dodging now the blasting thunder strikes while the sky turned more clear. I looked at them for long time before I grew bored and wanted to change the whole sequence.
Suddenly there was white sand everywhere. It was soft under my feet (I just decided to be naked by now for the heck of it) and was just the right temperature, until I noticed that the sun wasn’t even shining. Instead, the sky was filled with colorful galaxies and/or nebulas. It was breath taking scene.
Behind the sand dunes, elegant and gentle canine looking creatures ran to me and I recognized them as Egyptian gods. So while I took them on the leashes, I saw pyramids rise from the sand, trying to reach the sky and I decided to wear clothes of Pharaoh.
While me and the dogs were reaching the pyramids I started to spot the flower pots with small light green baby plants, half buried in the sand. Then I noticed the bright giant yellow moon that had risen on to the sky on over the nebulas. An stubid idea came to my mind and I reached my hand to the moon and managed to rip chunk of it off and I ate it without hesitation. First it tasted odd, but then it tasted like mashmallow dipped on melted warm milk chocolate. Just when I thought to get another piece, I woke up.
This was the first time I had ever tasted something in my dream. Again, completely new and refreshing experience.
Entry #10
Finally my second ever and fully successful lucid dream occured! I'll now tell you about that and now on update whenever I see new one.
Dream #2
I was in my apartment, everything was pretty normal until I touched the wall for the reality test and my hand and whole arm went through the wall. The realization came to me right away. This time I kept myself cool and calm so I wouldn't ruin the dream and wake up too early.
So I made an horse appear in my living room. It was white and had mint and lime green tail and hair. I jumped on its back and lead it to the balcony, where it jumped over the balcony's railing and started to run on the air. Everything was in color and I even saw these thin as paper and colorful birds fly past us. The horse kept running until I felt weightless, almost floating.
I was suddenly in the sea that was floating on the sky. When I looked down I could still see the ground and the buildings. I was capable to breath under water and I made all the corals and fishes appear and changed my steed to the seahorse (I kept the colors 'cause they looked nice). The amount of colors amazed me and I could swear, even the seawater was shining in colors of rainbow in the rays of sun that shone through it.
The seahorse was swimming so fast it felt like being in the amusement park ride (didn't realize until now how much I have missed those) that went up. Until we splashed out of the water and we're on top of the clouds. The night sky looked so pretty with the huge pastel blue moon. Suddenly I had skis on my feet and I stood on the clouds, like they were soft snow. Seahorse had changed in to huge silver furred wolf with yellow eyes.
The wolf had bridle on its mouth while I held the leash. I didn't even need to command the wolf when it went on gallop. We rode on the clouds while the warm serene wind met my body. I felt really relaxed even the ride was still pretty fast.
Somewhere in there the dream ended. And I was extremely pleased. It was great experience and I can't wait to have an other one next night.
Dream #2
I was in my apartment, everything was pretty normal until I touched the wall for the reality test and my hand and whole arm went through the wall. The realization came to me right away. This time I kept myself cool and calm so I wouldn't ruin the dream and wake up too early.
So I made an horse appear in my living room. It was white and had mint and lime green tail and hair. I jumped on its back and lead it to the balcony, where it jumped over the balcony's railing and started to run on the air. Everything was in color and I even saw these thin as paper and colorful birds fly past us. The horse kept running until I felt weightless, almost floating.
I was suddenly in the sea that was floating on the sky. When I looked down I could still see the ground and the buildings. I was capable to breath under water and I made all the corals and fishes appear and changed my steed to the seahorse (I kept the colors 'cause they looked nice). The amount of colors amazed me and I could swear, even the seawater was shining in colors of rainbow in the rays of sun that shone through it.
The seahorse was swimming so fast it felt like being in the amusement park ride (didn't realize until now how much I have missed those) that went up. Until we splashed out of the water and we're on top of the clouds. The night sky looked so pretty with the huge pastel blue moon. Suddenly I had skis on my feet and I stood on the clouds, like they were soft snow. Seahorse had changed in to huge silver furred wolf with yellow eyes.
The wolf had bridle on its mouth while I held the leash. I didn't even need to command the wolf when it went on gallop. We rode on the clouds while the warm serene wind met my body. I felt really relaxed even the ride was still pretty fast.
Somewhere in there the dream ended. And I was extremely pleased. It was great experience and I can't wait to have an other one next night.
Entry #9
Hello and yes, still nothing. Again. It has been two and half weeks and no lucid dreams. There was two close calls but still they haven't worked out. I know that I shouldn't give the frustration superiority but I just can't help it. Why I get this feeling that the odd character I met in my first lucid dream somehow caused it? I mean, I couldn't control her like I was supposed to be able to.
I'm maybe just thinking too much. I read that it is an amateur problem to stay in the lucid dream for only few minutes. Maybe I just read more tips for fixing that problem. I can't just give up now.
I'm maybe just thinking too much. I read that it is an amateur problem to stay in the lucid dream for only few minutes. Maybe I just read more tips for fixing that problem. I can't just give up now.
Entry #8
So...big news everyone. Two things atually, I guess. After over four months of studying I was finally able to lucid dream last night. Learning to remember the flying dream mark didn't go to waste. Why I'm not as excited as I should be? Well...this dream didn't last for long.
But I will still explain everything in detail as possible. It was generic setting, I was on bus stop, waiting for next ride to arrive. Some odd looking butterfly flew past me. I wouldn't usually care about some weird looking bug, but this time it was important. It was my dream mark and it reminded me of flying. Suddenly the realization came to me. I was in the dream.
I felt overwhelming amazing satisfaction. I had finally done it! So the really first thing without breaking the magic of my achievement was to jump. I first hovered little bit, just enough that my feet didn't touch the ground, before I leaped even more up on the air. Other people on the bus stop didn't even seem to notice, but I didn't even care and so they and everything started to vanish when I flew higher and higher on the sky.
It didn't even take long before I was all above the atmosphere and in space. Earth was under me and black space around me. But something else too, within something that made me even more excited.
Colors. I was finally able to see colors in my dream! The space was filled with blinking starts and different sized ball shaped planets. They were pretty close to the Earth, but not in the apocalyptic or even concerning way, but just there. And colors of them... They were so beautiful, the colors were vibrant and so eyecathing and I just loved it all! Even now it suprises me what my mind could be capable to do if I just give it a chance. Maybe I really do underestimate my imagination.
Anyway, I wasn't even changing anything on that moment, I was too focused on my surroundings. Until I noticed her.
This first ever odd dream character of mine fitted well with the space enviroment. And its character strugture was really odd one. It was like a centaur but completely bear. I mean the centaur-lowerbody was brown bear, upperbody was female's and face and head were again bear's. On upperbody she was wearing some kind of tight suit that fitted well with surrounding space and looked like it had its own universe inside it. She had long black scarf around her neck, and when I said she fitted on space well was not only the universe reflecting suit, but she was also wearing astronaut helmet (even it was more like just a class dome).
While I was studying her appearence, I slowly noticed that she was staring at me. Look on her face suprised me to be honest. She looked at me judgmentally. Really seriously, like I was a criminal or something. I kept looking back at her and decided that I wanted to change look on her face to more welcoming. But... I couldn't do it. For a moment I became afraid that lucid dreaming was over and I had lost control. I was going to do reality test to myself, but before I could she spoke (yes, I still remember word to word what she said):
"You should not be here."
This suprised me even more but didn't discourage me. Even I didn't do reality test on that moment like I had planned, I quickly told myself that I still could have a control, I was just not able to change her for some reason. I smiled for this odd creature and asked if she wanted me to change color of certain planet that still surrounded us.
But before I could say or do more, she grabbed my hand and looked at me very seriously, like she was an kindergarten teacher who was gonna discibline a bad behaving child.
"I mean it. You have to leave. This is not safe place for someone like you."
And then I was on my bed. I made reality test to see if I had just transferred to new dream that started from my bedroom but nope. I was wide awake.
So there. I am to say the least frustrated. Sorry, I'm not sure right now how to end this entry. I guess I update next time I lucid dream. Hopefully it's going to happen tonight without odd unexpected surprises. I need coffee.
But I will still explain everything in detail as possible. It was generic setting, I was on bus stop, waiting for next ride to arrive. Some odd looking butterfly flew past me. I wouldn't usually care about some weird looking bug, but this time it was important. It was my dream mark and it reminded me of flying. Suddenly the realization came to me. I was in the dream.
I felt overwhelming amazing satisfaction. I had finally done it! So the really first thing without breaking the magic of my achievement was to jump. I first hovered little bit, just enough that my feet didn't touch the ground, before I leaped even more up on the air. Other people on the bus stop didn't even seem to notice, but I didn't even care and so they and everything started to vanish when I flew higher and higher on the sky.
It didn't even take long before I was all above the atmosphere and in space. Earth was under me and black space around me. But something else too, within something that made me even more excited.
Colors. I was finally able to see colors in my dream! The space was filled with blinking starts and different sized ball shaped planets. They were pretty close to the Earth, but not in the apocalyptic or even concerning way, but just there. And colors of them... They were so beautiful, the colors were vibrant and so eyecathing and I just loved it all! Even now it suprises me what my mind could be capable to do if I just give it a chance. Maybe I really do underestimate my imagination.
Anyway, I wasn't even changing anything on that moment, I was too focused on my surroundings. Until I noticed her.
This first ever odd dream character of mine fitted well with the space enviroment. And its character strugture was really odd one. It was like a centaur but completely bear. I mean the centaur-lowerbody was brown bear, upperbody was female's and face and head were again bear's. On upperbody she was wearing some kind of tight suit that fitted well with surrounding space and looked like it had its own universe inside it. She had long black scarf around her neck, and when I said she fitted on space well was not only the universe reflecting suit, but she was also wearing astronaut helmet (even it was more like just a class dome).
While I was studying her appearence, I slowly noticed that she was staring at me. Look on her face suprised me to be honest. She looked at me judgmentally. Really seriously, like I was a criminal or something. I kept looking back at her and decided that I wanted to change look on her face to more welcoming. But... I couldn't do it. For a moment I became afraid that lucid dreaming was over and I had lost control. I was going to do reality test to myself, but before I could she spoke (yes, I still remember word to word what she said):
"You should not be here."
This suprised me even more but didn't discourage me. Even I didn't do reality test on that moment like I had planned, I quickly told myself that I still could have a control, I was just not able to change her for some reason. I smiled for this odd creature and asked if she wanted me to change color of certain planet that still surrounded us.
But before I could say or do more, she grabbed my hand and looked at me very seriously, like she was an kindergarten teacher who was gonna discibline a bad behaving child.
"I mean it. You have to leave. This is not safe place for someone like you."
And then I was on my bed. I made reality test to see if I had just transferred to new dream that started from my bedroom but nope. I was wide awake.
So there. I am to say the least frustrated. Sorry, I'm not sure right now how to end this entry. I guess I update next time I lucid dream. Hopefully it's going to happen tonight without odd unexpected surprises. I need coffee.
Entry #7
Other interesting fact that I learned about different ways to tell if you're in dream or not, is the fact that movie cliche of pinching yourself is not valid. That is because you are able to feel the same pain in reality and in dream (example if you're female and you happen to have period cramps while you sleep, but you can still feel it even your dreams).
Remember the dream marks I talked about few entries ago? Well turned out that most useful one turned out to be anything to do with flying, (like a bird, airplane on sky, looking down from window etc.) because most likely I would do something I can't in real life when I lucid dream first time. So now my goal is to learn to remember to do reality test whenever flying based dream mark/something that reminds me of flying appears, even when I'm awake.
It has been a while of last entry and since then I haven't made a lot progress, but I'll keep learning with this dream mark of mine now. Hopefully I can soon really write about my lucid dreams.
Remember the dream marks I talked about few entries ago? Well turned out that most useful one turned out to be anything to do with flying, (like a bird, airplane on sky, looking down from window etc.) because most likely I would do something I can't in real life when I lucid dream first time. So now my goal is to learn to remember to do reality test whenever flying based dream mark/something that reminds me of flying appears, even when I'm awake.
It has been a while of last entry and since then I haven't made a lot progress, but I'll keep learning with this dream mark of mine now. Hopefully I can soon really write about my lucid dreams.
Entry #3
Okay, I really underestimated ability of lucid dreaming and how hard its learning can be. It has been nearly two weeks now and yet I still have not been successful to lucid dream. My dreams are still colorless and I can't control them. Things happen without my desire. I seem to not be able to train my brain to recognize dream from reality.
I did buy a notebook to be my dream diary. And I have followed all the different tips and instructions precisely. But nothing. Even my pals on the forum don't know how to help me. I guess I just have to keep trying.
I did buy a notebook to be my dream diary. And I have followed all the different tips and instructions precisely. But nothing. Even my pals on the forum don't know how to help me. I guess I just have to keep trying.
Entry #2
Gosh.. If there's something I have learned within my research, is the fact how much time and effort has to be done and put to be able to see lucid dreams. This learning process is really time consuming. But that doesn't really bother me. Nowadays mostly my daytime goes for job searching and sometimes hanging out with my friends and surfing around net, so I have a lot of time to waste on this lucid dream stuff.
I've been reading material from variety of websites and most of them make lucid dreaming sound like some kind of yoga practice. Like it's more complicated than it is. Writing down dream diary, keeping on notes and timetables, planning on goals and list goes on and on. Still, even this doesn't discourage me to not continue my research. Even thou it will take time before I start to actually see and experience something new in my personal dream world.
I've been reading material from variety of websites and most of them make lucid dreaming sound like some kind of yoga practice. Like it's more complicated than it is. Writing down dream diary, keeping on notes and timetables, planning on goals and list goes on and on. Still, even this doesn't discourage me to not continue my research. Even thou it will take time before I start to actually see and experience something new in my personal dream world.
Entry #1
Okay so...not sure what I'm actually doing here but my pals on forum suggested me to start writing a blog based on my researches. Or more kind of a...dream diary, I suppose.
You don't need to know much about me. I'm just someone who has grown bored on their life and wanted to do something new. So I started to research about lucid dreams. What are they, you might ask. Just Google it. You should find enough info of the basics that way.
I never really paid attention to the dreams or what our brains are doing while we sleep (I'm not a scientist, just graduated from college to do programming), but when I heard about this subject first time, I grew interested. Could I make my life little bit more interesting by lucid dreaming on night? Possibly. Literally anything can happen.
I will write here whenever I find something new, or when I finally see my really own lucid dreams. I also write these in pretty rushed pace, so my apologizes for any typos etc.
So...dream on, I guess.
You don't need to know much about me. I'm just someone who has grown bored on their life and wanted to do something new. So I started to research about lucid dreams. What are they, you might ask. Just Google it. You should find enough info of the basics that way.
I never really paid attention to the dreams or what our brains are doing while we sleep (I'm not a scientist, just graduated from college to do programming), but when I heard about this subject first time, I grew interested. Could I make my life little bit more interesting by lucid dreaming on night? Possibly. Literally anything can happen.
I will write here whenever I find something new, or when I finally see my really own lucid dreams. I also write these in pretty rushed pace, so my apologizes for any typos etc.
So...dream on, I guess.
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